Match Report
Widow Twankie Humped by Frank Spencer !
An enthusiastic crowd braved it through a wind and rain swept Maryhill last night (13/12) to watch the first of what will hopefully become an annual event in the SSRC calendar.
Some had mistakenly come along to see a drama, but unfortunately the first team match had been called off, so it was left to the third team to entertain. They didn’t disappoint, enthralling their audience with a hugely entertaining pantomime.
The opening act was mildly entertaining with Paul ‘does my arse look big in these new shorts’ Smee giving a convincing performance in his own adaption of King Lear, ‘ Friar Tuck just scrapes it against Old Father Time !’
But the main plaudits for the evening have to go to the grand finale which saw Roddy ‘big man’ Grindlay as Widow Twankie taking on Frank Spencer, played by Frank Spencer from Hamilton. The Evil Prince (aka the referee) was played in suitably sinister style by Joe ‘Double Bounce’ Hely.
This performance was truly memorable and had everything to please the crowds, pathos, comedy, audience participation and some very hammy acting.
In time honoured pantomime style the Evil Prince made his dark pronouncements from the balcony,
‘Let !’ proclaimed the Prince
‘That was never a let!’ replied Widow Twankie.
‘Oh yes it was!!’ shouted the crowd.
‘Out!’ proclaimed the Prince
‘That was never out!’ exclaimed Widow Twankie
‘Oh yes it was!!’ shouted the crowd.
There were too many memorable and hilarious moments during this performance to mention in this brief report, however the Big Man’s rendition of the Britney classic, ‘Lob me baby one more time’ and his remarkable moon-walk into Frank from any position on the court were worthy of a BAFTA if nothing else. Frank’s mere presence was, as always, enough to get the crowd chuckling and his surreal pointing into the air for no apparent reason put the finishing touches to a first class effort.
As always the crowd joined in enthusiastically. The pantomime had been kept secret but some of the regulars had tried to anticipate what it might be and had come along in character.
Dave ‘Superstar’ McCormick turned up as Jake the Peg
Innes arrived as a very convincing Long John Silver
The delightful Fiona, more used to appearing as Prince Charming, disappointed her many fans by dressing as Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
And, somewhat predictably, George and John came as the Ugly Sisters.
On this form next years show, ‘Roddy tries to beat Orville the Duck’ is a must see. More so given that Keith Harris won’t be there to help Orville, which should just about give Roddy a fighting chance.
NB Roddy’s dummy and all of the toys that he threw out of the pram kindly supplied by Mothercare.
Anon
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Dancing Bear spotted at SSRC
Maryhill, wedged between the salubrious suburb of Bearsden and the chic West End, represents the jay-walking centre of the world. Yet nestling within this pedestrian stricken environment is a haven of class and propriety. Built by shipbuilding magnates, the successors to the tobacco lords, SSRC has epitomised the game of squash’s best features of gladiatorial battle under gentlemanly rules.
Whilst not a circus in the Roman sense, squash is normally a game played by 2 opponents on a small court with a single black ball. Occasionally, doubles is played. It was with some shock and disbelief that your own correspondent witnessed a distressing, though some might say amusing, scene on court 1. The court was invaded and a ménage a trois ensued.
Two of our foremost players Joe ‘Double Bounce’ Hely and Billy-G were enjoying a quiet one-on-one tussle, when the door burst open and someone masquerading as a dancing bear entered. Both squash players were initially dumbfounded that their privacy has been intruded upon, then stunned at the bear’s suggestive dance moves, and finally having found their voices, ‘Double Bounce’ ordered the bear to leave using choice words of the Glasgow vernacular. Fortunately for the 2 squash players the incident was filmed (Click here). Thus those concerned readers can be assured that there will be no referral for cruelty to animals.
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